I have to figure this out...

I haven't written anything in awhile and I really don't know why. I always feel better after I write, maybe it's because I don't have many people I can speak to. Maybe I've just exhausted the few people around me that I do have, so I'm turning back to the only other comfort in my life. Or maybe it's because my miserable job has exhausted me and on top of my health, I'm too tired to even think, much less write....But I digress....

 Its funny because when you're a kid grown ups seem to have everything figured out, they have jobs they make money, things look awesome and you just can't wait to be an adult.

....The you become one

....and life really kicks your ass.

What you don't see as a kid is, all the job problems, money problems, relationships, health... and all you long for are the days when all you had to worry about was homework.

Trying to figure out where I fit in now is the worst, I have a job but want a career or at least somewhere I feel I matter. What that is and where, is the hard part. Battling health issues doesn't help either, having had recent back surgery (cervical spinal fusion) and still in pan, along with the myriad of other conditions from arthritis, to IBS, to interstitial cystitis, to name a few.....how does one manage it all and still find themselves?

Writing has always helped me when I'm feeling depressed, lost, lonely and I guess I'm more lost than ever. 

 I believe in God and Karma, so hopefully both are on my side, I need all the help I can get. Maybe I can get a job working with animals, because people are assholes.